Blog/How to let go of control

Tuesday, March 07, 2023

How to let go of control

Control is an illusion. At best, it's a ticking time bomb. Let's dive into how you can learn to let go of control, surrender to the reality, and take action from where you are. Let's face it, it's the only place from which you can get anything done anyways. Anything else is a lie.

How often do you find yourself frustrated because your partner, the cashier at the store or people on your team are just moving so damn slow? 

Listen, I've done it a million times. While it still happens more than I'd like to admit (it happened just before I started writing this), but I'm happy to report that it happens a lot less frequently nowadays. 

It's an ongoing process, and I'd love to share it with you. I'm going to share three major instances where I tried to gain and keep control, and how surrendering to what is has actually changed how I treat myself and others. Plus, I'm going to share with you how you too can ditch this need for control, and how you can be even more successful without it. 

I can't sleep without wine 

If you've followed my journey, you know that I used to drink a lot. Every single day. Then I stopped for a while. And picked up one glass a day. I genuinely don't enjoy the taste of alcohol, and I can't stand not being in control. But at the same time, I had this old belief that I can't sleep without a glass of wine. I'd have these stories about one glass won't hurt me and if I stay up too late I will be useless to others. So I kept on drinking. And every morning I felt shame for relying on something while teaching others that all they need is already inside of them. They just need to acknowledge and maximize their existing resources. So, one day after my hot yoga class, feeling hot, sweaty and a bit foggy from the previous night's drink, I declared that I no longer needed that crutch. I fell asleep easily night after night...until last night. Last night, I tossed and turned, planned to spend five minutes on this side, and if I didn't fall asleep, then I'd turn to that side. If that didn't work, I'd do my gratitude. If that didn't work, I'd read a meditation book. I had a plan. And the more I planned the more anxious I felt, and as a result I stayed up for a long time. 

Then the lightbulb went off. Just let go. Be in the moment. And the next thing I heard was James walking in to wake me up at 5:30.  

I have to do it all right now. Myself.

I run several businesses. I love what I do, and would definitely do it even without getting paid. As an entrepreneur, you're probably familiar with the not getting paid part doing the work you love to do. Even though some days (like today) feel like I'm just running in circles, I still feel accomplished and joyful when I clock out at 7:00 PM so that I can go hang out with my kid. 

The problem is in wanting to do it all. Right now. By myself. When I get stuck in that mode, I look at my goals, my tasks, my responsibilities and the time I have to get through it all, I choke up and have this physical urge to cry. Once I start crying, I turn into a four year old and a storm of sassy Nos blurts out. For hours. Nothing gets done. I oscillate between a victim and a dictator. 

But when I take a moment to breathe, assess my goals, my work load and the time I have to get it done, I have the opportunity to focus on the most important tasks that will allow me to feel like I can take the next step in the morning. And repeat. Things get done. I win. My clients win. And so does my family. Surrender, baby. 

I have to run every day.

I have this awesome goal to run a marathon in Iceland in August '23. Marathons are my jam because I get to put on my shoes and just fucking run! Like, run as fast and as far as I can. Perfect for someone who has spent majority of her life running away or turning away from uncomfortable stuff. If you know, you know. 

James had suggested several times that I get a plan that will help me get there. My response to that was always I just have to run every day. Well, if you're a runner, you're probably shaking your had NO to that. Not only have I been paying Peloton a monthly feel to help me train for a marathon, but my running was crap. After ten years of running I could still not run an entire 5K without stopping. Why? Because I ran every day. My way. 

Once I actually surrendered control and handed it over to the pros I learned on day one that I actually could run a 5K without stopping, and I've been training every single day, including resting, strength training, and yoga, and have been feeling like a true marathoner. 

Now it's your turn

Now, where do you need to let go of control and surrender? 
How would that help your mission? 
What do you need to do, say or practice to make it a habit? 
How will you treat yourself if you accidentally find yourself in control mode? 
What will your future look like by surrendering to reality and taking action from there? 

Share in the comments, I'm super curious. 

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